Red Velvet Cake

Wow I so dont even know where to begin.

So my grandma passed last thursday and I went to Missouri where I have remained for the past week. I did bring running clothes. Ya thats where it stopped :)

I was tired, for so many reasons. So I havent worked out although today we are going trail running in the Ozarks.

And for eating well please refer to the title of this post. Southerners ifnothing else want o feed you in your time of loss and grief. At times i have tried to choose the grilled chicken salad but hell if I will get on a scale anytime soon.

I had a reallly interesting experience that tells me that Im right where aleks is as far as letting the weight issue conume you. 1. My uncle who I see every three years or so told me the following: "Allison, you are never going to be thin. You arent built that way, you arent built like jenny ( my cousin) You are healthy, you should just accept that" - I have never heard a word so disgusting as "healthy" it was meant like husky or full bodied and it took all i had not to cry. Jenny starves herself, I run and watch what i eat (at times) and she gets to be skinny and Im "healthy". And what up with the whole acceptance thing? Is the universe trying to fuck me up?
2. Throughout the first couple of days, during the funeral and the service I actually asked myself if I looked fat in my mourning dress. Thats sick. enough said.

so I just bought a book called "the perfect fit" about a woman who struggles to get into a pair of skinny jeans and then realizes that happiness and perfection are not found in being thin. I think I need to reaad this message.

I cant wait to get back to WA where I can refocus and not have red velevet cake with coconut sitting infront of me being eaten by my skinny cousin. I want get back to WA and be happy when someones says Im healthy.