Kirk got me thinking a lot about NEPA and how I can incorporate it into my day. Working out in the morning, getting it out of the way before going into a long work day is the only way to go for me. I do that because after 3 pm, I lose all motivation to do anything. Last night I was watching TV after dinner and was contemplating going for a walk. The weather is great and I should be taking advantage of these days but I couldn't get my ass off the couch. Rather than thinking about how nice it would be to walk in the fresh air I started to analyze the missed NEPA opportunity.
Then my dear friend Melissa called and reminded me that I'm starting to go down the OCD path of analyzing every single angle of the journey. The downside of weighing in every day is that you agonize over every little fluctuation rather than looking at the big picture. She called literally as I was playing the NEPA game in my head. I exercise for a number of reasons (it's fun, it relieves stress, I see my friends) but the over arching theme is that it burns calories. I am constantly doing mental math in my head during the day, planning my meals and snacks, adding up the calories and taking into account what I burned in the morning.
It's the same OCD I had when I was agonizing over every aspect of a boy I was into (for almost 2 years). It guided so many of my thoughts. When I got dressed in the morning, I thought about looking hot for him. When I exercised, I pictured his face as motivation. When I ate, I thought about having to get naked with him. When I got a pimple, oh boy. When we hung out, I picked apart every little think he said or did to find meaning behind it all. A million things that happened during the course of a day would trigger a thought about him. He ate up 95% of my sessions with my therapist and don't even ask my friends about him. Quite frankly, it was exhausting for everyone.
When I finally let it go it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. To walk around without him consuming my thoughts was the best feeling. I wish, after all this time I could think about food and exercise like "normal" people. I don't want to think about everything I do and everything I put (or plan to put) in my mouth. It's exhausting too. Unfortunately I don't really have a choice. I don't have the luxury of being naturally fit. I have to work at it (as do a lot of my friends). But the take away is that I do have to look at the big picture. In the long run, the efforts will add up and my mood and approach to living shouldn't be affected by my morning weigh in.
In case you're interested, I ran for 40 minutes with Nancy and Tamara this morning and for my NEPA I'm playing softball tonight. Not OCD at all. ;-)
Wednesday, May 28
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2 comments:
Wow, doesn't that get you thinking. I can almost say that I have been obsessing the same as yourself. However, not about the boys and I don't get pimples :)
I think for me, it has become a LITTLE bit second nature. I don't REALLY think about golfing as NEPA but more an activity I enjoy. Walks with Ange and Maddy aren't REALLY considered NEPA but just time I enjoy with my daughter.
I guess my feeling is if you don't enjoy what you are doing, you are destined to fail at it. Not at all saying you are failing but being OCD is not a good thing. Sit back and smell the vagina errrrr flowers.
Now softball, that is some good NEPA :)
Aleks,
Maybe drop the morning weigh in??? I know for me it keeps me on track but if it is RUINING your entire day then pick a day of the week and weigh in ONLY then.
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