Getting Older

It is so funny getting older. And no this is not a commentary on how old is really old, blah blah blah. Its a commentary on how you body and life changes, sometimes unexpectedly as you age. For instance I have never been particularly slim but my ability to lose weight has an inverted correlation with my aging. My body is more sore after workouts too. Don't you remember in high school when you were on the track team ( or whatever sport you played) you did that workout then went and played on your club soccer team, or horseback rode in my case until it was too dark to do any more. All the while thinking nothing of it, not getting sore and looking forward to the next day. I see pics of myself from that age and wish I could have appreciated that body in that time. I wonder if in ten years will I look at pics of myself now and think "You should have appreciated it while you had that."

With this dawning realization I have to admit I have a larger dose of fear as I head into new challenges that life throws at me. The prospect of grad school, while exciting, fuels fear about balancing work and life. I think Aleks was really spot on when she said sometimes work does come first, I'm just worried about work/school always coming first come September. And then there is pregnancy, I cannot begin to describe the fear of gaining weight for pregnancy. While in my twenties I always had this feeling that it was so far away. Now the feeling is that it is imminent, maybe not this year but definitely the following year. People around me give me hope, those women who look amazing after pregnancy. But like many things I don't think i am one of those women. I think it will be crazy hard, potentially impossible, task to lose that weight and get back into shape.

So for now I'm not going to future trip, which I have a habit of doing. I will borrow a page out of the Big Book in AA and say that I will take this one day at a time, one life changing event at a time.

Today I did Mountain Conditioning, I have logged my food on www.thedailyplate.com which I liked better than Fit Day. Today I will pinch myself enough to remind me that there is still something to pinch but also enough to remember to appreciate what I have.